Man, oh man has life been changing since I checked in last. Big changes! Biggest (and best) change of all, I am pregnant again! I am carrying our sweet little boy, Mr. Cove David Warren. Not a day goes by that I don't praise Jesus for blessing me with this sweet life that I am carrying and the gift of raising a son. But just to make matters that much more exciting, we decided to move back to California...before Cove is born. While I am 8 months pregnant. We cray over here.
Moving to Bellingham was such a process! It was fast in a way, but it was also this long process of prayer and interviewing at Logos for Josh also. This has been a process of preparing our hearts and things lining up. We both had the desire to be closer to our family and friends while raising our family and then also Josh being ready for a new challenge at work. Both our heads and hearts lined up right on time for us to decide to move before Cove is here rather than after.
This decision is so bittersweet. My heart aches and longs to be closer to my family and to raise my kids with my friends that are like family to me... but I also love the life we have here in Bellingham. I feel a deep tinge of sadness imagining our lives not here in the beautiful North West. We have been blessed with amazing, wonderful, warm and lifelong friends. We are in awe of Washington's beauty on a daily basis. We get to wear really cute coats, scarves, and beanies for function not just fashion. I have always deeply loved and craved fall, a true fall, and living here, I relish in every single day of it. But above all, I think it's deeper than my love of fall and PNW style. I love the life I have with my sweet husband, just us two. In our crazy adventure.
This adventure has been beautiful, but deep, with it's fair share of "how the heck do we do this?" that only adventure can bring. At times, to be quite honest, this adventure was dark. Some of my darkest days were here, in this desert where yes, it looks opposite of a desert. But there is not a shadow of a doubt that Jesus led us away from our tribe, into this "desert." Not to be cruel like that can sound. Not for one second did God take joy in the need to have us weather this storm just us two. The thing is though, God knew we had to do it, just Josh and I. Never was I lonely. Was it hard and painful and down right ugly at times? Yes, to be honest it was. I am who I am, strong and full of grace, because of this desert. I know now I could have never gone through this with my dependence on our tribe. This desert was never to be cruel or to harm, it was always meant to strengthen and sharpen, and that is has.
Here, The Lord has refined us, shaped, molded, grown, challenged, and tested both of us individually and together. In ways, our faith came our stronger, in ways it hasn't. That's the truth. The truth is, there are days that the fire of refinement is still burning and God is still molding. But isn't that life here, seemingly always, until we go home? Just like in every great adventure, the darkness doesn't last long, it can't. In the darkness, you took a step of faith, one in front of the other, knowing that dawn would break, eventually. You knew, even in your moments of doubt and fear, that light would come, faithful to rise. The light dawns, the sun rises on you, warming your skin, and you are blessed with this beautiful landscape that you couldn't see in the night when you were afraid of the dark. You gasp and wonder and how you ever could have doubted that light would come and the beauty around you.
My heart and prayer in this move, as so many of you know, or have read along here with me, was to look more like Jesus. I have seen that. I have seen Jesus more. I have been tested to be more like Jesus than I ever thought He would ask me. But He is here. He is working. And He is good. Always, even when it hurts like hell.
Now I see that there is so much of me and of Josh that will be left here. Here, where we found a new freedom. The freedom to be here, right here. The freedom to be right where you are and to only be the real you. That is a gift from The Lord that set us both free. The freedom, to see your spouse in the most honest and vulnerable state, even when you don't agree or see eye to eye, and saying, "I love you, all of you" and meaning it. The willingness to share that truth or darkness, carrying each other through the night...that's true intimacy. We have learned to love each other above all else, more than you love yourself. There is no price on that freedom.
As we transition into this next chapter, there is this overwhelming sense of peace in a time where honestly, nothing is set in stone to make us feel "comforted" other than the fact that I know our God provides. We are moving to a place that we haven't lived before, where we both will be owning our own businesses, where we still don't have a place to live yet, and, oh yeah, we will soon be bringing a little life into this crazy world. But you know what? When God opens a door, he opens it with ways to provide for his kids. He opens a door to prosper, not harm. He has not failed us and I know he won't start now. There is this great confidence that you find in trusting His plan. Our boy is not only living proof of that faithfulness, but he will be born into it. Cove will get to watch his mommy and daddy chase their dreams and watch their willing hearts. I am thankful that my little boy will know his family deeper, that he will grow up with my best friends kids, running wild with them. When he can't or won't talk to Josh or I, he will have so many people that will be strong, powerful, loving leaders in his life. I'm thankful I will have the opportunity to achieve my dream of finally owning my own salon, and my son will see his mama work hard for her passions and art. I'm ecstatic to see where Josh's career leads. Josh will have incredible opportunities for his career in southern CA, the world is that man's oyster I tell you.
Thank you guys for caring. Thank you guys for your prayers. Thank you guys for your joy with us as we become parents! Thank you for your support as we head home to our favorite State of sunshine :)
I will be making blogging more of a priority and have missed being here so much!!!